ARTICLES DISCOVER Dr. Rhoades' NEW BOOK: Living in the Moment Articles by Dr. Rhoades: Defining Family The New Player Dating a Cakeman A recipe for good parenting trouble.com Chasing Love! Last Year Sure Went by FAST! The Relationship Lottery How to be Upbeat without being Beat up! Just Who Am I Trying to Get Even With? When is it ever going to be "MY" turn? A Shortcut or A Long Fall? Mr. or Ms. "Justin Case" Refusing to Get Caught Up in the Blame Game Associates of Dr. Rhoades: Dr. Lynn Ianni Copyright © 1995-2007 Dr. Roger A. Rhoades All Rights Reserved Author's Note: Please feel free to share this article. My only requirement for reprinting is that you credit me with a byline and print my short biographical and contact information at the end. Looking for "the Oprah" by Dr. Roger A. Rhoades One feature or trait that I have noticed in everyone I have ever talked to is the desire for prosperity. One might think that people who have money or status have no desire for prosperity because they are already prosperous. The truth is that even people with money and status still have a desire for prosperity; they just desire to be prosperous in other areas. I will have to admit that most people say if they had more money, their lives would be better. Other people state that having more time, health, energy or mobility would make their lives more prosperous. Just the other day, I heard of a new, yet unmentioned area of prosperity. This person said, " If Oprah Winfrey and I had a chance to be friends, my life would really be better." These people are not walking around with low self-esteem; in fact, their self-esteem is rather good. It is just that these people want more and feel someone like Oprah would help elevate them. It had not occurred to me that the relationship with someone famous would equate to a belief of success. This person was not mentally ill or dysfunctional; they really believed that a personal relationship with Oprah would make a difference in the level of success in their lives. They believed that the personal interaction with such a successful and grounded person would make them more successful in interacting in the world. From a man's point of view, I seemed to equate this idea of relationship prosperity to team members on a sport's team. It is interesting that we do not think it is unusual for someone to state that the members they play with affect a player's performance. I have heard sport's announcers state that if a player is playing on a team with someone like Michael Jordan, they believe that the quality of Michael Jordan's play positively effects the play of his teammates. It seems like sports players are always connecting their winning efforts to the quality of the team and not their own personal abilities. So what is it about Oprah that makes people see her as someone who can provide relationship prosperity? Is it the fact that Oprah is famous? I think not. Many people are famous and we do not want to be associated with them. I believe it is the message that Oprah sends when she is relating to other people. What is that message? I believe her message is twofold. Her message first says to people that they are okay and accepted, just as they are. The second part of her message is the idea that no matter where you are or who you are, you can be so much more. She is able to convey unconditional acceptance with an undercurrent of growing achievement. Thinking about the player and their relationship with other teammates, it is not out of line for someone to want to be on Oprah Winfrey's team. The big problem here is that Oprah does not play for a sport's team; she is a talk show host. Every weekday Oprah presents her "playing ability" to millions of admirers. They watch as she presents her personal integrity as it relates to a number of subjects. It is during this "play" that so many viewers begin to relate to her integrity. The viewer begins to see how they, with the help of Oprah, could improve their playing ability. These viewers begin to see how a teammate like Oprah would enhance their performance. If these people were given the opportunity to play with Oprah's team or be Oprah's friend, then they believe they would have a level of prosperity beyond their wildest dream. The major problem is not that so many people believe that a friendship with Oprah would improve their lives. It is that a personal relationship with Oprah is unobtainable by most. I'm sure these individuals would openly state that their lives would not end if they did not become Oprah's friend, but most of them believe that they would be changed for the better, if they have a chance to have a relationship with her. The important point of this quest has some points of insight for all of us. How many times have we wished to acquire the unobtainable rather than to work on the obtainable that is right in front of us? It is possible to find a piece of Oprah in the everyday people in our lives. Many years ago, Oprah was one of the everyday people and the qualities she had to give were available at that time. It has only been fame that has magnified those qualities. The difference is that everyday people do not have the fame to magnify their qualities, but they still have the qualities just the same. Unlike Oprah, who is televised for all to see, everyday people only have small personal encounters to show what they have. It then becomes the challenge of all the people who want relationship prosperity to begin to shift the focus of their desires. Instead of looking toward someone like Oprah to elevate our emotional status, we need to seek out those Oprah qualities in the people around us. Although Oprah's qualities are on the surface and easily mined if someone was to have the opportunity, mining those qualities from the people next to us will produce obtainable bounty. In the search for relationship prosperity it is a natural response for people to look for people like Oprah to fill the bill. Just like the lottery or gambling in Las Vegas, many will try to win, but few will win the big payoff. The real winners are those people who go to work each day and win their earned salary. So it is with people who work hard to make friends and keep them. Their relationship prosperity may be in different portions than a friendship with Oprah, but their prosperity will still be as real as if they had acquired it from Oprah herself. Copyright © 2002—2007, Dr. Roger A. Rhoades, All rights reserved A licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years, Dr. Roger Rhoades is a popular relationship therapist who has gained a national following through his appearances on television talk shows. He is also a frequent contributor to national magazines on subjects that include dating, breakup recovery and infidelity. You may email Dr. Rhoades at: TVDoc2@aol.com