ARTICLES DISCOVER Dr. Rhoades' NEW BOOK: Living in the Moment Articles by Dr. Rhoades: Defining Family The New Player Looking for "the Oprah" A recipe for good parenting Dating a Cakeman Chasing Love! trouble.com The Relationship Lottery How to be Upbeat without being Beat up! Just Who Am I Trying to Get Even With? When is it ever going to be "MY" turn? A Shortcut or A Long Fall? Mr. or Ms. "Justin Case" Refusing to Get Caught Up in the Blame Game Associates of Dr. Rhoades: Dr. Lynn Ianni Copyright © 1995-2007 Dr. Roger A. Rhoades All Rights Reserved Author's Note: Please feel free to share this article. My only requirement for reprinting is that you credit me with a byline and print my short biographical and contact information at the end. Last Year Sure Went by FAST by Dr. Roger A. Rhoades Every year I hear folks, and especially parents of older children, talking about how fast the year went by. They say things like, “It seems like only yesterday that Bill and Mary were in diapers, and now Bill’s driving a car and Mary’s dating!” When they talk like that, the impression is their children grew up without them. The sad truth is that many children do grow up without their parents being involved in their lives. Most parents do not set out each year to be detached -- physically there, but not there emotionally. Most want to be the number one Parents of the Year. They make New Year’s resolutions to be the most concerned and involved parents they can be. By February, the pressures of everyday living have overwhelmed the New Year’s resolutions, and the parents have allowed themselves to become caught up in the rat race of life. Feeling like a failure as a parent and a person does not contribute to the making of a pleasant home environment. The biggest problem with parents’ New Year’s resolutions is that they are based upon unrealistic parenting styles. Some remember a glamorized version of how they were parented. That’s like watching an old television show about life in a small town and then moving to a small town expecting it to be just like the small town on television. The small town on television never really existed and neither does an airbrushed version of our parents’ parenting. Parents want to do the best job they can, but too often the harder they try, the more they fall short and fall into the failure trap. So, each year they make another set of resolutions only to have those resolutions fail as miserably as the last ones. This does not mean parents should not set goals for themselves or that setting goals guarantees failure. Rather it means that New Year’s resolutions, or goals, need to follow certain guidelines that parents will be able to follow. Making successful parenting New Year’s resolutions is no hit or miss process. It is important to follow certain guidelines to make sure you stay on course throughout the year. 1. Make sure the first two or three resolutions/goals can be successfully completed within 7 to 10 days. Remember, nothing breeds success like success. 2. Be realistic. Make parenting goals fit the ages of the children you’re parenting. Teaching your two-year-old to swim on his own this year is not very realistic, is it? 3. Write down your goals and display a copy of them for all the family to see. When you write something down and then show it to people, especially your family, you are more likely to follow through with these goals. 4. Your parenting goals should be set to fit the year and times in which you are living. Everyone would like the good old days to return, but do you really want to go back to outdoor plumbing? 5. The more you ask for support from your friends and relatives, the better chance you have of reaching your parenting goals. More people fail because they try to reach their goals all by themselves. 6. Depending upon the age of your child, ask for feedback on the goals you have set. Nothing is more frustrating than to strive for parenting goals that do not appeal to the children. 7. Don’t set too many goals. It is better to have a few goals, and when one is completed, add another one, than to set more at one time than can possibly be achieved. Above all, remember to take time to stop and smell the roses. Parents have their children for such a short time, and that time does seem to go faster with every year they’re growing older. Very few children will remember the car they rode in when they were babies or the nice clothes they wore when they were young. The one thing children do remember is the investment of time and love. They will always remember those “slow” years when mommy and daddy took time to play with then, to be with them. Copyright © 1998—2007, Dr. Roger A. Rhoades, All rights reserved A licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years, Dr. Roger Rhoades is a popular relationship therapist who has gained a national following through his appearances on television talk shows. He is also a frequent contributor to national magazines on subjects that include dating, breakup recovery and infidelity. You may email Dr. Rhoades at: TVDoc2@aol.com